Spring

Before it leaves us for good and summer (it had better be a good one ) comes I snapped some pics of spring time.

One day I need to live in a house with a mint door.

Mothers on Motherhood: Tammy & Fox

Tammy & Fox 15 months

blog: Gingernut Fox

I was born to a woman not worthy of the title Mother as she was a dreadful one, you could say I was one of the lucky ones as I was taken into care at a very young age along with my sister and then much later my brother and we grew up with a wonderfully nurturing and encouraging mum, someone who has spent her life caring for other people’s children.

Children can be cruel and I was often bullied for not having a real mum or dad my mum's answer was always “Well you were special we got to pick you and their parents were stuck with them” – I told you she was lovely!

From a very young age I was never certain I should be a mum. I was never one for ‘family’ I didn’t crave creating my own family and I rarely let people close to me and have been very independent my whole life.  Always in the back of my mind was ‘What if I were like the woman who gave birth to me?’

Things changed 13 years ago when my nephew was born. I had never come into contact with a baby before and I certainly never thought I would want to be around one or heaven forbid look after one!

But I fell in love with that little boy and I loved him like my own and when his little brother and sister came along my heart expanded and I finally started to understand how important family was, but still I had niggling doubts over my own ability to be a mother and I ploughed on with having building a career and enjoying the freedom a childfree life comes with.

I wish I could tell you when the light bulb moment happened because I genuinely don’t know, I still don’t really know if it did or if the practicalities of having a child in my mid-thirties hit me and I just decided to go for it. I know that I certainly started to feel more confident as a person, I had a career, a home, a husband and I felt settled and calm and just ready.

Of course you know that I now do have a baby because I am writing about motherhood and our beautiful little boy Fox arrived in February last year.

I wasn’t there to meet him when he was born when I woke up someone handed me this tiny bundle and I became a mum – in the physical sense because I had no idea what I was meant to do with this helpless creature that needed me 24 hours a day.

I felt like I had failed him already, I didn’t know him, I didn’t know what he wanted and that first night when everyone had left and it was just the two of us was terrifying. I lay and stared at him; this new person that I had made, that I was responsible for, that would change my life and I wondered what on earth I was going to do.

I spent the next few weeks like many new mums in a haze of exhaustion, recovering from a C-section with a tiny underweight baby who wouldn’t feed. I remember very tearfully at my lowest point telling my husband one night that we had made a terrible mistake and could we take him back….

My young man and I finally bonded when he was 5 weeks old on the first day we were alone – I had been dreading this day, I had no idea what I was doing and I was tired, very, very tired. By 2pm I had somehow managed to get us both dressed and had strapped him into his buggy when he pooed – and I do mean an explosion of poo, poomagedon, the biggest poo I had ever seen and I sat on the floor and cried whilst he stared at me curiously

I grabbed a load of newspaper to cover the floor with (I cringe when I think back to this now) and started cleaning him, I got to the baby grow and realised I had no idea how to get it off without covering him in the stuff I very almost started cutting him out of it before I had a brainwave and pulled it down instead of over his head.

15 minutes later I was triumphantly sitting in a mass of poo covered baby wipes and clothes holding a naked baby who gave me a grudging look of appreciation and we never really looked back, for that whole summer he was my right hand man we went everywhere together and I of course fell totally and utterly in love with this tiny inquisitive mini me.

It still feels like my journey into motherhood is only just beginning, I still have days where I question my skills as a mother and wonder if I am cut out for it and I struggle with managing a fulltime job, a toddler, a marriage, a home and being me.

I will gladly admit to occasionally missing those heady childfree days where a lie in didn’t mean 7:30am and lunch didn’t involve me picking chewed up food out of my hair. Then he will do something that makes me laugh or gaze in wonder at him and I am so glad that we have our marvellous little boy and I feel that rush of unquestioning love and knowing that you will protect this precious little person for the rest of his life and I know I was nothing like the woman I came from. I am me, a mum.

So why am I telling you all this?

Because it’s taken me a long time to get here and I have learnt that motherhood comes in all shapes and sizes, it sometimes happens when you least expect it and sometimes it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s ok not to feel or to want to be a mother sometimes, or to not know what to do. It’s not about genes, or blood it’s about unconditional love.

At some point in the future I hope that I can give back the chance at life that was given to me by offering a home to children that need it, my hope that one day Fox is as proud of me, as I am my Mum.

As I said to Tammy when she emailed me this, it's posts like this that make me love this series. So many women with so many stories to tell that deserve to be told. It makes me feel like we're all connected. Whatever choices we make and however we mother we all know those same feelings of joy of stress and everything in between.

Thank you Tammy for sharing and please do get in touch if you want your tale of motherhood to be a part of this series, I'd love to have you!

20/52

"A portrait of my child, once a week, every week, in 2013."

Toast. What she'd eat all day every day if she could. I swear it's not possible but I feel like I love her more and more each day.

Baby A is 13 months old today!

Well what can I say, she's growing up so fast it feels like she'll be ready to leave home soon. The one big milestone since our last update is that she is now walking. She's been taking occasional steps for a long while but is now properly on two feet! It seems to have happened almost overnight. And she can stand up without having to pull herself up on something now which was a big moment for her I think. She still looks like she's had one too many and there's definitely something of a waddle going on but it is truly wonderful to see.

She is also eating and sleeping so much better than a few weeks ago. Around the time she turned one everything seemed to turn upside down although we now seem back to normal. I love that about babies, one minute everything seems one way and you wonder if they'll ever sleep/eat again and then everything changes. A good lesson in the unpredictability of children.

She also now has 7.5 teeth - 4 along the top and 3 on the bottom with a fourth poking through. I thought I saw a molar poking through too but she won't let me check so no idea if it is or not. And with these teeth seems to come a newfound desire to bite. I really hope this is a phase because the little vampire nips are actually quite painful.

Although there's no actual words emerging she is so verbal. Everything gets a grunt or an 'oooh' or an 'A-da!'. And aeroplanes are still exciting although somewhat less so now she can walk around and reach a lot of other things of interest.

I feel like I understand her so much better now, what she wants and certainly what she doesn't. I'm loathe to label her so young but let's just say my baby girl whilst adorable is certainly not that amenable! In that she knows her own mind and she won't let you forget it! I love that about her though, she has spirit my daughter and I hope she always keeps that zest for life she already seems to have bucket loads of at only one year old.

Nana's house

Last week we went to stay at my mum's house for a few days. Even though I'm a mama now and even though it's not the house i grew up in there's something inherently relaxing about being at your mum's. We're going to be moving there temporarily in a few weeks and I for one, can't wait!

Here's a few photos of our weekend. I realised I was taking a lot of photos of objects and the house rather than people. It was a refreshing change not to have to be trying to capture moments but to enjoy them I have to say.

Mothers on Motherhood: Brianna & William

Good morning! The sun is shining, we had a lie in (after a bad night but still) and my coffee cup is full. Good times.

This morning I have another lovely mama for this week's Mothers on Motherhood. Brianna has a good blog worth checking out too. Here's what she has to say about motherhood...

Brianna & William 8 months

blog: mamages 

twitter: mamages 

pinterest: mamages

I've always been shy and timid with strangers. Before William was born I hid behind my husband so I wouldn't have to break away from my shyness. But since my little man came in to my life, I've opened up so much. I was worried, at first, that I would end up hiding behind William, that he would become my new crutch, but his presence has the opposite effect on me. 

There are women who know from an early age that they were born to be mothers. I was not one of those women. I never stuck a pillow under my shirt to fein pregnancy, I never sat around thinking of baby names, never got that 'baby bug'. but now, I feel like I was always supposed to be a mother. I used to think people who said that were crazy and weird but it's completely true.  I'm 100% more confident in my new role as a mother and I wouldn't want it any other way. Even when I'm not with my son (those few and far between moments when daddy gets some one-on-one time with William and I get some quiet) I am still the more confident and more outgoing me.

I moved 2,000 miles cross country while I was pregnant to a town where I didn't know a single person. Before I was a mother I would have gone through the remaining months of pregnancy and beyond alone and scared and friendless. The new confident mama Brianna is making friends left and right (which is great since hubs works 12 hour days).

I love being a mom. I'd be lying if I said it was easy or I never thought about running away or that I never threw a chair across the room out of frustration/sleep deprivation/fear, but William and I have finally gotten in to a nice rhythm and it's so exciting and fun to watch him grow! Non-mamas will think I'm exaggerating, but there is literally a new development every day. From holding his bottle all by himself to sitting! It's crazy and wonderful and scary all at the same time (hello, babyproofing!).

It never ceases to amaze me how much becoming a mother affects us. It can literally change who we are as people. Not a lot of other experiences are that profound. So thanks to Bri for her words today. And Happy Mothers Day for yesterday to my American readers!

If you're a mama and would like to tell your story about motherhood then I would love to feature you! You can get in touch by email ohyouprettythingsuk@gmail.com.

Have a great week lovelies :)

19/82

"A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2013."

Bank Holiday weekend was pretty lovely and this little lady spent plenty of time in her pool at her Nana Judd's house. This was caught mid laugh. I love her quiff and her little fat tum. It's always hard to pick a photo for the 52 Project. And does anyone else find they can't delete photos on their phone or camera of their baby, even the photos that are blurry and terrible? Just feels wrong somehow. Last week I loved this picture. Seems timeless and so English with the rolling hills. Gorgeous.